About 10 days ago, a student that I am incredibly fond of lost his mom. She had been fighting a battle with cancer for a long time, and for the whole time I knew her it seemed like she just might win. She was a vibrant person, always demonstrating how much she loved her kids and how far she would go to see them succeed. To be honest, as a teacher that sometimes was intimidating - when I first met her, I wasn't even teaching her son yet and I immediately felt I needed to be on my toes. But she also came across as very supportive of what we are doing at GSIS, and somehow that brief meeting has stuck with me.
The next time I interacted with her was several months later when her son came with me, 3 other teachers, and about 15 other students on a missions trip to Myanmar. By that time I had taught him for about a month, and in that time had learned that he will always be the very first to turn in assignments, but never read the directions all the way through. He also is incredibly athletic, intelligent, handsome, and charismatic in a very subtle way - his actions or inactions influence others but you don't notice it immediately. I, being not great at classroom management, and still being relatively new to the PE curriculum at GSIS, had a hard time getting him to participate in class. He also didn't participate well in our group preparations for Myanmar.
Once we were there, I thought that getting this large group of 10th grade guys to join in wholeheartedly was going to be a challenge. We had English lessons to prepare, rooms to clean, dishes to wash, and kids to play with. It was a daily, hourly interaction with these beautiful orphan kids who just wanted to be friends and have the Korean teenagers play with them. There were times when we were tired and times when the days grew long, and still we would be playing games, sitting with them, talking, learning Burmese. I say "we" but mostly it was our girls - a God-sent group really. But when I looked with open eyes I saw the guys joining in - playing a couple's version of duck duck goose, holding the jump rope, sitting with kids on the steps taking pictures, playing soccer with the older guys in the yard....and it was beautiful. Those moments when kids surprise you are the best. Those moments humble me. I love them for what they show me about what God does in our lives when we're not looking.
I'm not saying that it was perfect. But really, who ever expected perfection from 15-year old kids and got it? The whole time I was preparing for this trip I felt that God was saying that the reason I was going was not because of the kids in Myanmar, but because of the kids we were taking with us - that was the primary ministry for me. I had chances on that trip to get very close to some of the seniors that just graduated yesterday - that I worked with all year in Treehouse club and soccer - who would hang out playing worship songs or spoons or talking about faith - it was an incredibly special time that I am forever thankful for. But one of my favorite moments on the trip was day 3 or 4, when the student I've been talking about was sitting on the steps with a boy of about 9 or 10. He was taking pictures of them together, and told the kid that he wouldn't forget him now that he had his picture. I wasn't really meant to overhear - I think he was embarrased that I did - but in that moment I just felt that there was something in this "too cool" kid that I wanted to reach out to. Later we were washing hundreds of dishes for a wedding at the orphanage, and that moment sticks out to me to - because even though he complains when he's uncomfortable, he didn't quit.
On our last day at the orphanage, I sent an email with some pictures of the group to all the parents of the kids we had with us. His mom emailed back a very nice thank you - she was so excited to see pictures of her son with his arms around a Burmese child, and of him washing dishes. As someone who wants to be a mom, reading her words of pride and love for her son and the way she was so joyful to see him loving, serving, and growing - it was special.
This year I have gotten to know both of them better - through having him in class again and seeing her at school events. She was so supportive and so present - watching soccer games, celebrating our return from the Indonesia missions trip, coming to parent teacher conferences to find out exactly what needed to be fixed and make sure he was being treated fairly - that I never realized something was wrong. I just didn't know that she was getting worse, and I'm so incredibly sad that I didn't. It wouldn't have meant anything different, except maybe I would have stayed and talked at that last soccer game instead of moving on. Maybe I would have gone deeper into why I was proud of her son's actions and attitude in Indonesia this year instead of just saying it quickly and not planned out. Maybe.......maybe.
But now she's gone. I have realized again, just how poor I am at entering into another's grief. My mom does this over, and over, and over again, week after week as she ministers at GriefShare. She's done it for years now, and has heard stories I don't think I could even listen to sometimes. I admire her and I love her for what she can give, how she can bless people by standing with them in their sorrow. But I can't - not in the same way. While his mom was still alive, fighting in a hospital and being told that there was nothing they could do anymore - I emailed him a couple of times to say I was praying. And I was - so many nights I was crying myself to sleep praying for her and for this student - for her daughter that I barely knew and her husband. I gathered with another teacher before school and we both wept, begging God to heal her and to save the heart of our student. Since they have lost her, I haven't seemed to be able to find the words.
I don't know why this has impacted me so much. I think partially because in the past year and a half this teenager has become really special to me. He's not the easiest kid to work with, and he's not very open with others - not very open with me. But he stands out to me - maybe its because of the potential I see in him or maybe its just because I have spent a lot of time with him. Maybe its because he's sometimes a little kid with an adorable smile and sometimes an adult with logic I can't argue with. Maybe its because there's a strength and depth to him I wish he would let people see. Maybe its just because God laid him on my heart. In Indonesia, even though I was often hard on him, I saw something that seemed like a breakthrough - one honest conversation, one Mafia game where he convinced me to trust him, one statement about how it doesn't take wealth to be happy. One moment when he wanted to give his soccer shoes to a boy in Indonesia without any. All the smiles when the kids he was working with succeeded. I got to tell his mom some of that, but not in that many words - I wish I had.
But now she's gone. And my heart breaks for them all. He's been away from school for a month, just waiting, not knowing when but knowing she was not getting better. I can't even say with certainty that he'll be back next year although I obviously hope that he is. My deepest fear is that this sorrow, this pain and grief, will tear him away from whatever relationship he has with the Lord. He's not open enough for me to know what his relationship with God is - I've never asked him and he's never told me. It is a helpless feeling because I can't impact this - unlike when I enter his grades and I have complete say. I can't change anything about how he is going to go through this healing journey. And then I come up against this wave of fear and relief - the only One who can is the same One that he needs - the only One who can reach him truly is the same One who wants to heal and hold him. Its fear because I can do nothing to help this kid I love. Its relief because the only One who can is the only One who loves him more than his mom did. Her love was powerful and strong, deep and wide, fierce and protective, gentle and kind - and it is nothing compared to how much God loves him.
Someday soon I will find the words. In the last 10 days two more of my friends have also lost someone - and I don't know how to enter in to their grief either - how to comfort or encourage. Maybe I should know, but I don't. Lord help me give what has been given to me so often - a place to share whatever needs sharing and a mouth that speaks only what You want heard.
She's gone now. But he is not. Lord Jesus, when I can do nothing You can do everything. I know You want him to turn to You for strength, healing, love, and peace. I know You can reach to him through the sorrow. Please, Lord of Lords, don't let him go. Don't let any of them go.
Friday, May 30, 2014
Tuesday, January 22, 2013
Discipline, Guilt, & Grace
I have been pretty delinquent about updating since coming to Korea. Sometimes it seems daunting to commit to writing my thoughts and experiences - more so than when I went to Europe for a summer and found time every couple of days to update on adventures and the people and places I had met. Perhaps the problem is that Korea has become.......normal. This is my everyday life now - not so much an adventure as a daily grind. The commonplace occurrences of dragging myself out of bed, walking to work, laughing with some of my teenage students, taking deep breaths with others, coming 'home' to a small apartment that is slowly becoming more homey, and spending way more time on Facebook than I ever thought possible, have worn off the newness of being here.
Some of this is good. I feel at home in this life - lonely at times, but at home. Working full time as a teacher is much more pleasant and fun than I anticipated. The PE department is made up of 3 of the best people I could have ever asked to work with. The students are, for the most part, very respectful and really good about getting work done. They are slow to warm up to me sometimes, but now I see so many fun loving and strong personalities. I have loved getting to know them, and was incredibly sad at semester when I lost a large portion of my students to other classes. Of course that now means breaking the ice with a new group, which I hope will prove to be similarly engaged, positive, and open in time. I also have made some wonderful and precious friends - strong women and men of God that I am so thankful to know. And since the fall was beautiful and winter has brought cold temperatures and even some snow, I have even felt at home in the climate.
The everyday-ness of life becoming comfortable and natural also brings with it another, harder to cope with reality. That is that any excuse put on "settling in" or "busyness" or "getting the hang of it" has now gone by the wayside. Excuses like not eating healthily because I can't read nutrition labels or know exactly what I'm eating. Like not working out because I didn't have time between trying to figure out life and teaching. Like not finding a church or going to church because I felt overwhelmed by the time Sunday came around and needed to work or sleep or Skype instead. Like not getting work done early or on time......or like watching too much TV on hulu or Amazon......like staying up late (I know what every family member of mine will say to this - I know! I am trying to change my ways!).....the list could go on.
The guilt and weight of things that I have always struggled with were things that I perhaps ran away from when I came here, wanting for them to change. Is that normal? Do people outside of the ones in movies make drastic physical change hoping that it will bring internal change as well? I think it was something that I secretly hoped. It actually sounds incredibly stupid to say that or admit that to anyone - because I think many people probably thought that of me before I left, and I probably denied it. I knew in my head that location does not change who we are, but I think I wanted so badly to change that I still hoped it would help. Discipline has never been the thing I excelled at. I'm not sure what I have excelled at, actually - not in words that would fit into the same category as discipline. And the minute we think we excel, I think it can become the place were the devil attacks us - so perhaps it is better to think of the things we trust that God is working on us in. For a long time I have wanted discipline to be an area in which I was excellent. And it is easy to make 'plans' to be disciplined. It is easy to desire to be disciplined, tomorrow. To get up early, tomorrow. To work out, tomorrow. But the war that happens daily between my mind and my will plays itself out in a way that only leaves me with the dead weight of guilt hanging around my shoulders.
I don't know exactly how long I have felt this guilt envelop me. Years, I think. It was not always as it is now - it crept up on me slowly. And the longer I felt its shadowy presence on my back, whispering constantly of how I am unworthy, the more I believed it. The more I believed it, the more discouraged I became and the more entrenched all of the things that I want to be different.
At different times in the last few years, people or songs or stories or sermons or Words have pierced through the shroud around me enough to bring me true hope through my Savior's love and grace. One was a kayak trip and conversation with my younger and often wiser cousin a couple of Thanksgivings ago. One was a Christmas sermon given by our pastor. One was through The Story, a collection of Bible stories written into song. One was a series of CDs on guilt loaned me by a friend. One was a sermon heard a week ago, here in Suwon. A few days ago, a blog post by my sister became yet another way that God was telling me to trust in His Grace over my own guilt. I always seem to run back to my fear eventually - fear that the devil's words about me are true. It didn't seem to matter what I knew to be true in God's Word - the lie made me feel disgraced and unable to see anything but the condemnation I knew I deserved. The lie also reminded me that no one could know how I felt, because then whatever witness I had given or lived over the years would be destroyed.
I think that may have been one of the most dangerous parts about this lie. Not sharing with anyone meant that I couldn't hear the truth from the people I trust most in my life. But that did not stop Jesus from pursuing me with the truth anyway. He has never stopped pursuing me with the truth - and I can see that now through all the pierced holes in this shroud. I long to be wrapped in the grace God wants to wrap me in ~ and to live within His promise of grace for the sinner and strength for the weary. These words from my sister Colleen's blog touched me deeply a few days ago. It was the reminder that I cannot please Him on my own and never could - even when I did not feel this way, I could never have pleased Him apart from relinquishing my life and trusting in His.
I think that if I can only be more organized, more disciplined, then I will be able to somehow do it all perfectly and make Him proud of me. I forget that apart from His grace, apart from faith in His Son, I cannot please Him.
That is so powerful to me. Becoming disciplined is not and never could be the answer to my hard heart that wants to be soft, or to ridding myself of shadows that surround and trail behind and whisper lies. Surrender to and reliance on and trust in my Savior whose love covers me - this is my desire. To stop striving to make myself worthy when it can't be done. To become like Mary, sitting at Jesus feet and understanding what is important. To allow Him to fill me so full of His Truth that there is no room to believe the lies.
What would it look like, I wonder, to live full of grace? Not as one striving to succeed, but as one resting in the One who already has?
What does it look like? Jesus, set me free from guilt and wrap me in your Truth so I may begin to know.
His grace is enough for us. His record is ours. His grace, His kindness, His sovereignty, covers all of our mess.
Will you pray with me that this will be so?
This is how Love wins, every single time
Climbing high upon the tree where someone else should die.
This is how Love heals the deepest part of you
Letting Himself bleed into the middle of your wounds.
This is what Love says, standing at the door:
You don't have to be who you've been before!
Silenced by His voice, death can't speak again
This is how Love wins.
What can wash away my sin? Nothing but the blood, nothing the blood!
What can make me whole again? Nothing but the blood, nothing but the blood!
This is what Love says, standing at the door:
You don't have to be who you've been before!
Silenced by His voice, death can't speak again
This is how Love wins.
~written by Nichole Nordeman, sung by Steven Curtis Chapman
Some of this is good. I feel at home in this life - lonely at times, but at home. Working full time as a teacher is much more pleasant and fun than I anticipated. The PE department is made up of 3 of the best people I could have ever asked to work with. The students are, for the most part, very respectful and really good about getting work done. They are slow to warm up to me sometimes, but now I see so many fun loving and strong personalities. I have loved getting to know them, and was incredibly sad at semester when I lost a large portion of my students to other classes. Of course that now means breaking the ice with a new group, which I hope will prove to be similarly engaged, positive, and open in time. I also have made some wonderful and precious friends - strong women and men of God that I am so thankful to know. And since the fall was beautiful and winter has brought cold temperatures and even some snow, I have even felt at home in the climate.
The everyday-ness of life becoming comfortable and natural also brings with it another, harder to cope with reality. That is that any excuse put on "settling in" or "busyness" or "getting the hang of it" has now gone by the wayside. Excuses like not eating healthily because I can't read nutrition labels or know exactly what I'm eating. Like not working out because I didn't have time between trying to figure out life and teaching. Like not finding a church or going to church because I felt overwhelmed by the time Sunday came around and needed to work or sleep or Skype instead. Like not getting work done early or on time......or like watching too much TV on hulu or Amazon......like staying up late (I know what every family member of mine will say to this - I know! I am trying to change my ways!).....the list could go on.
The guilt and weight of things that I have always struggled with were things that I perhaps ran away from when I came here, wanting for them to change. Is that normal? Do people outside of the ones in movies make drastic physical change hoping that it will bring internal change as well? I think it was something that I secretly hoped. It actually sounds incredibly stupid to say that or admit that to anyone - because I think many people probably thought that of me before I left, and I probably denied it. I knew in my head that location does not change who we are, but I think I wanted so badly to change that I still hoped it would help. Discipline has never been the thing I excelled at. I'm not sure what I have excelled at, actually - not in words that would fit into the same category as discipline. And the minute we think we excel, I think it can become the place were the devil attacks us - so perhaps it is better to think of the things we trust that God is working on us in. For a long time I have wanted discipline to be an area in which I was excellent. And it is easy to make 'plans' to be disciplined. It is easy to desire to be disciplined, tomorrow. To get up early, tomorrow. To work out, tomorrow. But the war that happens daily between my mind and my will plays itself out in a way that only leaves me with the dead weight of guilt hanging around my shoulders.
I don't know exactly how long I have felt this guilt envelop me. Years, I think. It was not always as it is now - it crept up on me slowly. And the longer I felt its shadowy presence on my back, whispering constantly of how I am unworthy, the more I believed it. The more I believed it, the more discouraged I became and the more entrenched all of the things that I want to be different.
At different times in the last few years, people or songs or stories or sermons or Words have pierced through the shroud around me enough to bring me true hope through my Savior's love and grace. One was a kayak trip and conversation with my younger and often wiser cousin a couple of Thanksgivings ago. One was a Christmas sermon given by our pastor. One was through The Story, a collection of Bible stories written into song. One was a series of CDs on guilt loaned me by a friend. One was a sermon heard a week ago, here in Suwon. A few days ago, a blog post by my sister became yet another way that God was telling me to trust in His Grace over my own guilt. I always seem to run back to my fear eventually - fear that the devil's words about me are true. It didn't seem to matter what I knew to be true in God's Word - the lie made me feel disgraced and unable to see anything but the condemnation I knew I deserved. The lie also reminded me that no one could know how I felt, because then whatever witness I had given or lived over the years would be destroyed.
I think that may have been one of the most dangerous parts about this lie. Not sharing with anyone meant that I couldn't hear the truth from the people I trust most in my life. But that did not stop Jesus from pursuing me with the truth anyway. He has never stopped pursuing me with the truth - and I can see that now through all the pierced holes in this shroud. I long to be wrapped in the grace God wants to wrap me in ~ and to live within His promise of grace for the sinner and strength for the weary. These words from my sister Colleen's blog touched me deeply a few days ago. It was the reminder that I cannot please Him on my own and never could - even when I did not feel this way, I could never have pleased Him apart from relinquishing my life and trusting in His.
I think that if I can only be more organized, more disciplined, then I will be able to somehow do it all perfectly and make Him proud of me. I forget that apart from His grace, apart from faith in His Son, I cannot please Him.
That is so powerful to me. Becoming disciplined is not and never could be the answer to my hard heart that wants to be soft, or to ridding myself of shadows that surround and trail behind and whisper lies. Surrender to and reliance on and trust in my Savior whose love covers me - this is my desire. To stop striving to make myself worthy when it can't be done. To become like Mary, sitting at Jesus feet and understanding what is important. To allow Him to fill me so full of His Truth that there is no room to believe the lies.
What would it look like, I wonder, to live full of grace? Not as one striving to succeed, but as one resting in the One who already has?
What does it look like? Jesus, set me free from guilt and wrap me in your Truth so I may begin to know.
His grace is enough for us. His record is ours. His grace, His kindness, His sovereignty, covers all of our mess.
And if I believe that – won’t I walk in it?
Will you pray with me that this will be so?
This is how Love wins, every single time
Climbing high upon the tree where someone else should die.
This is how Love heals the deepest part of you
Letting Himself bleed into the middle of your wounds.
This is what Love says, standing at the door:
You don't have to be who you've been before!
Silenced by His voice, death can't speak again
This is how Love wins.
What can wash away my sin? Nothing but the blood, nothing the blood!
What can make me whole again? Nothing but the blood, nothing but the blood!
This is what Love says, standing at the door:
You don't have to be who you've been before!
Silenced by His voice, death can't speak again
This is how Love wins.
~written by Nichole Nordeman, sung by Steven Curtis Chapman
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
The Garden of Morning Calm
Since returning from Chuseok break at the beginning of October, I have been busy pretty much every weekend. Mostly its been Friday and Saturday volleyball games that seem to fill up the time, with Sundays reserved for catching up on work and groceries and laundry. But I have been able to do a few fun activities outside of school and volleyball that have been wonderful additions to my experience here. One was an outing to a garden up in the mountains about an hour and a half away from Suwon, northeast of Seoul. It was beautiful and amazing to walk around amidst the fall colors, with mountain slopes on all sides covered with reds and yellows and all different shades of green.
The garden had several areas to explore - a section based on a
traditional Korean village, one full of flowers meant to represent the
longing for unity between the north and south of Korea, one surrounding a
tiny 4 seat chapel, one of open meadow and one calm forest, several of
small streams with beautiful pools where leaves floated peacefully. It
was so nice to get out and be surrounded by what God created - away from
the unending towering apartment buildings and constant traffic that is
Seoul and Suwon. (They're really not that bad - just in comparison to
the tranquility of the garden). :) The garden was far from empty though
- tons of people walking around exploring, picnicking, taking pictures,
having a grand time.
At one point I did manage to find a way out of the crowd, along an old
forest road that went up the hill behind the garden. It was the first
time since leaving Oregon that I have really felt completely alone - in
the best way possible. I could hear the noise from all the people down
below, but was surrounded by trees, grass, birds, rocks, and mountains.
It was lovely - just for a few minutes to be alone.
As we left, around noon, there was a line of cars at least a mile long - no joke. Just waiting to get into the parking lot, let alone explore the garden. We decided it definitely earned its name - morning calm - and were so glad we went early!
Monday, October 29, 2012
Volleyball ~ Season's End
We started our season in August, playing a couple of games before I went back to the states for Ryan and Emily's wedding in September. My assistant coach, Jack, took care of them while I was gone. He is such an asset. He's been here a year already, and is also the head of the PE department. He knows all the kids pretty well and has been a huge support to me through this new endeavor of living and teaching overseas.
We have had a pretty good season - 7-5 in conference play, 13-7 overall. Last weekend, we won our conference tournament! It is basically the equivalent of a district or conference tournament in the states - 7 teams. We came in ranked 3rd for the season, and won 4 straight games over Friday and Saturday to win the tournament. We ended up having to play the host team (who came in ranked 2nd) twice - in the 2nd round and again in the finals. They were hard fought games - but we won 3-2 the first game and 3-1 in the championship. Our girls played so well! Their defense was awesome - perfect serve receives and great passing in general. Our hitting was also really strong, and my senior setter did a great job without having any breaks for all 7 sets on Saturday.
To make our win even sweeter, the boys volleyball team also won their tournament! They were expected to, as they have blasted every other conference team out of the water and won almost all of their games against the other division's teams as well. But it was still awesome that they came through. The boys JV team also won their tournament the same day, so it was a great day for the GSIS Knights. Unfortunately, all of us played our final game against the KIS teams - so it was not a good day for them. :) I have enjoyed having guys volleyball around - makes me wish we had it in Oregon as well! The St. Paul girls would have eaten it up and loved our boys team. :) The two seniors on the guys team are great people as well as athletes - I will miss them along with our four seniors.
Friday, August 31, 2012
Escalators for your shopping carts and other Korean novelties
Every so often it seems to hit me that I really am living in Korea - not just visiting, but making this my "home" for a while. Certain differences seem to make that more evident...
Shopping:
One of my favorite things about shopping is the multi-layered department stores - one for groceries, one for clothing and home goods, one for furniture, one for the food court. You can check out on each level, or you can make your way between the levels using the handy-dandy flat escalators. You walk on, your cart stays put, and it takes you up to the next floor. The first time I felt that I had to hold back the cart from slipping - but they are made with these wheels that somehow lock in and won't move with gravity. Kind of neat!
One of my least favorite things about shopping is that there is almost always some English on the package, somewhere. The trouble is, it is never in the spot that would be helpful in figuring out something about the product. For example, you might find something that looks like a box of crackers. But instead of the few English words saying, "wheat crackers" it says "tastes great!" Or with shampoo (trying to figure out which ones' shampoo and which is conditioner) they both say, "damage care" or "sleek and shine."... and the rest is in Korean. I'm fine with the packaging being in Korean - it was kind of an expectation I had. :) But really, if you're going to put English words on there, let's put on the ones that matter. Please?
The Wall Lady:
At some point every week, the speakers in my wall come alive, bringing elevator music, words of wisdom from a very loud, disembodied voice, and some sort of instruction to the dwellers of my apartment complex. The first time it happened, I was confused and slightly scared and immediately called Cindy, who is Korean-American and lives in my building. She laughed at me and told me the hot water was going to be off for a two hour period the next day. I found it a little intrusive that my apartment can receive announcements at will, because it is very loud; but other than that, no problem. Since then, I have largely chosen to believe that whatever the Wall Lady says is about apartment issues that I will either just find out as I go or deal with when the water is cold some random morning. On the day of the typhoon (Tuesday, August 28), when I was home all day listening to the wind and working, she invited herself in at least 5 times - I just assumed she was wishing us all well and not saying anything about taping windows or turning off appliances. :)
Kids not knowing how old they are in Western terms:
Koreans measure age differently than we do - you are one the year you are born, and somehow their ages end up being considered as one-two years older than they are to Westerners. I made the mistake the second week of school of asking my 10th graders how old they were. They responded with "Western age?" and then most of them didn't know it. So we had to figure it out based on their birthdays. The things you don't think about!
Age ends up being very important to Koreans - they give respect or expect it completely based upon age. In the school, that means we really have to watch for bullying or use of younger students to do homework or favors for older ones. Sometimes parents don't understand when we tell them why certain things are not OK - in their culture, this is how you are treated by elders (even just a year older) now, and this is what you will get to enjoy when you are the elder one.
Gender differences:
Growing up in Wyoming taught me several things about the differences between men and women. First, that girls can try everything guys try if they want to try it. Second, that you are expected to give your best effort in PE, sports, and sharing the work load, regardless of your gender. Third, that guys respect girls who are athletic, not whining, willing to pitch in and help, and not overly concerned about appearance. While chivalry is valued and appreciated, and obviously physical differences make guys better at most things related to athletics and physical work, women who did their best in those arenas were respected and appreciated as well. Those things may be less true in other parts of the country. In Oregon, I would say that I found that mostly to be true (but I also worked with a population of athletic men and women almost exclusively.)
However, in Korea things are VERY different. First of all, men take affront when women try to help out with physical work. Specifically when women work harder than they do, or carry more of a load, etc. Last week we had a parent-teacher back to school night, and there was a lot of tear-down to do afterward. Since it was in the gym, right above my office, I went back up to help (a lot of the principals were doing the work - along with the athletic center staff and some secretaries, and it had been just as long a day for them as it had been for us). I started breaking down tables and carrying them over (the tables were pretty light and came with handles, so carrying two was really not that heavy). But one male staff apparently was upset (he had only been carrying one table at a time) because he didn't like being shown up. Then the two female secretaries each carried two tables - making it that much worse! They told me I was strong - I told them they were too. :) Eventually the guy told me to leave - one because teachers didn't need to help and two because I was making him uncomfortable (he didn't say that part). One of the principals told me with a smile on his face that me carrying two tables was shocking the guys and making them think they needed to work harder (he was smiling because in all reality they do need to work harder). I realized later that it was a silly move - I just didn't understand how me helping looked to the guys - like they weren't doing their jobs well enough, like they weren't strong enough - plus why on earth would a women lift tables and chairs? This was probably the biggest "culture shock" moment I've had, and definitely the biggest cultural snafu I've made.
Second, it is cultural that most women don't work out, exercise, or do sports. Here's an example: when I asked the question, "Why do you think men's heart rates are naturally lower than women's heart rates?" to my 10th grade classes, I received the same answer. "Because guys work out and do sports!" No, no, no, my young female students! You can too! But that is not normal, culturally. Men do the physical work, men play sports, men are athletes. While there are a lot of female athletes at the school who break that mold, this is an international school - many of these kids have lived in the US or other countries where its more acceptable.
That's enough for now. There are more, many more..... :)
Shopping:
One of my favorite things about shopping is the multi-layered department stores - one for groceries, one for clothing and home goods, one for furniture, one for the food court. You can check out on each level, or you can make your way between the levels using the handy-dandy flat escalators. You walk on, your cart stays put, and it takes you up to the next floor. The first time I felt that I had to hold back the cart from slipping - but they are made with these wheels that somehow lock in and won't move with gravity. Kind of neat!
One of my least favorite things about shopping is that there is almost always some English on the package, somewhere. The trouble is, it is never in the spot that would be helpful in figuring out something about the product. For example, you might find something that looks like a box of crackers. But instead of the few English words saying, "wheat crackers" it says "tastes great!" Or with shampoo (trying to figure out which ones' shampoo and which is conditioner) they both say, "damage care" or "sleek and shine."... and the rest is in Korean. I'm fine with the packaging being in Korean - it was kind of an expectation I had. :) But really, if you're going to put English words on there, let's put on the ones that matter. Please?
The Wall Lady:
At some point every week, the speakers in my wall come alive, bringing elevator music, words of wisdom from a very loud, disembodied voice, and some sort of instruction to the dwellers of my apartment complex. The first time it happened, I was confused and slightly scared and immediately called Cindy, who is Korean-American and lives in my building. She laughed at me and told me the hot water was going to be off for a two hour period the next day. I found it a little intrusive that my apartment can receive announcements at will, because it is very loud; but other than that, no problem. Since then, I have largely chosen to believe that whatever the Wall Lady says is about apartment issues that I will either just find out as I go or deal with when the water is cold some random morning. On the day of the typhoon (Tuesday, August 28), when I was home all day listening to the wind and working, she invited herself in at least 5 times - I just assumed she was wishing us all well and not saying anything about taping windows or turning off appliances. :)
Kids not knowing how old they are in Western terms:
Koreans measure age differently than we do - you are one the year you are born, and somehow their ages end up being considered as one-two years older than they are to Westerners. I made the mistake the second week of school of asking my 10th graders how old they were. They responded with "Western age?" and then most of them didn't know it. So we had to figure it out based on their birthdays. The things you don't think about!
Age ends up being very important to Koreans - they give respect or expect it completely based upon age. In the school, that means we really have to watch for bullying or use of younger students to do homework or favors for older ones. Sometimes parents don't understand when we tell them why certain things are not OK - in their culture, this is how you are treated by elders (even just a year older) now, and this is what you will get to enjoy when you are the elder one.
Gender differences:
Growing up in Wyoming taught me several things about the differences between men and women. First, that girls can try everything guys try if they want to try it. Second, that you are expected to give your best effort in PE, sports, and sharing the work load, regardless of your gender. Third, that guys respect girls who are athletic, not whining, willing to pitch in and help, and not overly concerned about appearance. While chivalry is valued and appreciated, and obviously physical differences make guys better at most things related to athletics and physical work, women who did their best in those arenas were respected and appreciated as well. Those things may be less true in other parts of the country. In Oregon, I would say that I found that mostly to be true (but I also worked with a population of athletic men and women almost exclusively.)
However, in Korea things are VERY different. First of all, men take affront when women try to help out with physical work. Specifically when women work harder than they do, or carry more of a load, etc. Last week we had a parent-teacher back to school night, and there was a lot of tear-down to do afterward. Since it was in the gym, right above my office, I went back up to help (a lot of the principals were doing the work - along with the athletic center staff and some secretaries, and it had been just as long a day for them as it had been for us). I started breaking down tables and carrying them over (the tables were pretty light and came with handles, so carrying two was really not that heavy). But one male staff apparently was upset (he had only been carrying one table at a time) because he didn't like being shown up. Then the two female secretaries each carried two tables - making it that much worse! They told me I was strong - I told them they were too. :) Eventually the guy told me to leave - one because teachers didn't need to help and two because I was making him uncomfortable (he didn't say that part). One of the principals told me with a smile on his face that me carrying two tables was shocking the guys and making them think they needed to work harder (he was smiling because in all reality they do need to work harder). I realized later that it was a silly move - I just didn't understand how me helping looked to the guys - like they weren't doing their jobs well enough, like they weren't strong enough - plus why on earth would a women lift tables and chairs? This was probably the biggest "culture shock" moment I've had, and definitely the biggest cultural snafu I've made.
Second, it is cultural that most women don't work out, exercise, or do sports. Here's an example: when I asked the question, "Why do you think men's heart rates are naturally lower than women's heart rates?" to my 10th grade classes, I received the same answer. "Because guys work out and do sports!" No, no, no, my young female students! You can too! But that is not normal, culturally. Men do the physical work, men play sports, men are athletes. While there are a lot of female athletes at the school who break that mold, this is an international school - many of these kids have lived in the US or other countries where its more acceptable.
That's enough for now. There are more, many more..... :)
Saturday, August 18, 2012
Three weeks in....
I'm sorry its been so long since I have written - I have sat down many times to try and encapsulate all that is going on and all that we have done, but I never quite find the energy for it. I still can't quite describe what the last three and a half weeks have been like, except to say crazy, busy, and intense. However, I do want to let you know the few "fun" things that I have been able to do thus far.
The first weekend we were here, the school staff took the newbies to a brunch in the Hyatt hotel here in Suwon. It was a lot of fun - lavish compared to everything else we've been to, and a fun way to try a lot of different Korean foods. In addition to all the "normal" breakfast foods, there were several types of kimchi, various fish and meat dishes in traditional sauces, lots of fruit (I ate some lychee for Ryan), dimsum with a Korean twist (some of it was very sweet), sweet breads with sweeter paste inside, omelets cooked to order but not all the way through (eggs are always underdone in Korea, I've found), and some of the only whole grain bread I've found here. Then we went out on the roof, which had two huge inflatable play areas for the kids, to take a new staff picture with Dwight. It was a good way to end our orientation (as the returning staff came back the next night).
Later that day, after most of us attended a church on campus called "The Nations," we had a pot-luck at Brendan and Amy Porter's home (young Kiwi couple with 3 adorable kiddos, and whom I admire and enjoy a lot), and just hung out together for a good while and enjoyed the last bit of time before everything started to get a bit overwhelming. The next day we began to meet the returners as they came in, and had a hamburger night with them - but it was still very intimidating for both groups I think - about 60 of them and about 25 of us. The next few days were filled with meetings, and I did gradually start to meet and get to know a few of the returners.
The first week before school became very busy (more about all of that later), but we still had time to hang out a little. One of the nights, one of the returning staff who has been generous with helping us out took myself, Esther, and Alyssa (two of the other new single women who are quickly becoming good friends of mine - Esther is from Venezuela, and Alyssa from Minnesota but has taught in Honduras the past 3 years) out to a Korean kalbi restaurant. It was excellent - a hot charcoal block is palced down the center of the table, a grill screen goes on top, and then raw meat is delivered to the table and placed on the grill. You get a bunch of sides - some bowls of greens that I didn't recognize, soup, an egg dish (undercooked again - so we didn't really eat any), and something spicy I coudn't describe. Then you get mushrooms to grill as well, lettuce and other leaves to wrap it in, and a couple of sauces and rice. You make yourself little lettuce wraps and it tastes SO good.
That weekend I worked a lot, went to The Nations again, and went to the grocery store with Esther, Alyssa, and Aurora (sweet and wise woman from Nairobi, but has lived all over the states and has taught in Turkey). I also went to a coffee shop to work and visit with Leisha Pitkin (who with her husband Ryan are some of my favorite people here - they are from Nebraska but she grew up in Colorado).
[Technically, although I am living in Suwon, the downtown area is pretty far away and I've never been there. We live in Yeongtong, which would be considered an area of Suwon (kind of like the different districts or NE/SW designations of Portland).]
Tonight, after another busy week of working and teaching, I got to have some fun with the "Down Under" crowd at the school. They are an awesome bunch - I absolutely love them. I was invited to come watch a rugby match between the Wallabies and the All-Blacks (the Australian and the New Zealand teams). Amy Porter (one of the Kiwis, and a new comer like me) had invited me over to hang out, and I had a great afternoon of talking with her and her husband Brendan and finally getting their 4 year old daughter to talk to me (she's never smiled at me or interacted with me yet, so I was getting quite jealous of the few people she does like). Then they were headed to the Schumacher's apartment (Darren is the elementary school principal, his wife Kylie a first grade teacher, and they are the only Aussies currently here). Three other couples complete the Kiwi crowd (Amy's parents Robyn and Mike Pettigrew, Clare and Mark Hubbard, and Mike and Isabel Stanley). One teacher from Canada and one more American completed the crowd, so I felt very privileged to be among them and learning to enjoy their favorite sport. Lots of laughter, lots of good-natured rubbing, and some much needed relaxation ensued.
I have not been to Seoul yet, although I have had a couple of opportunities and decided to turn them down. There is just, at the moment, a lot to do with school and understanding all the ins and outs of what the IB requires - and heading into the city seems a little daunting when we have so much work that needs to be done here. Eventually I'll get there - and get to explore Suwon and the beaches to the south as well, hopefully. :)
We are headed on a fun outing next weekend - a bunch of the staff are going white-water rafting together somewhere up by the border. I'm not sure where, but the pictures I've seen look awesome and I'm SO excited to get out and do something adventurous with these new friends!
The first weekend we were here, the school staff took the newbies to a brunch in the Hyatt hotel here in Suwon. It was a lot of fun - lavish compared to everything else we've been to, and a fun way to try a lot of different Korean foods. In addition to all the "normal" breakfast foods, there were several types of kimchi, various fish and meat dishes in traditional sauces, lots of fruit (I ate some lychee for Ryan), dimsum with a Korean twist (some of it was very sweet), sweet breads with sweeter paste inside, omelets cooked to order but not all the way through (eggs are always underdone in Korea, I've found), and some of the only whole grain bread I've found here. Then we went out on the roof, which had two huge inflatable play areas for the kids, to take a new staff picture with Dwight. It was a good way to end our orientation (as the returning staff came back the next night).
new staff photo - my head is hidden behind Brendan Porter,
and Amy is next to him with their baby;
the tall man next to me is Dwight
The first week before school became very busy (more about all of that later), but we still had time to hang out a little. One of the nights, one of the returning staff who has been generous with helping us out took myself, Esther, and Alyssa (two of the other new single women who are quickly becoming good friends of mine - Esther is from Venezuela, and Alyssa from Minnesota but has taught in Honduras the past 3 years) out to a Korean kalbi restaurant. It was excellent - a hot charcoal block is palced down the center of the table, a grill screen goes on top, and then raw meat is delivered to the table and placed on the grill. You get a bunch of sides - some bowls of greens that I didn't recognize, soup, an egg dish (undercooked again - so we didn't really eat any), and something spicy I coudn't describe. Then you get mushrooms to grill as well, lettuce and other leaves to wrap it in, and a couple of sauces and rice. You make yourself little lettuce wraps and it tastes SO good.
That weekend I worked a lot, went to The Nations again, and went to the grocery store with Esther, Alyssa, and Aurora (sweet and wise woman from Nairobi, but has lived all over the states and has taught in Turkey). I also went to a coffee shop to work and visit with Leisha Pitkin (who with her husband Ryan are some of my favorite people here - they are from Nebraska but she grew up in Colorado).
Leisha
Once school began, things got even busier. We had our first volleyball tryouts a week ago this past Thursday. Saturday Esther and I got up early, worked out at the gym at the school and then swam for a while, just relaxing and talking. Having the pool on campus is so nice! Saturday night I went out with a bunch of the young married and single ladies - to another Korean place that served tak galbi, a spicier chicken version of what we had before, but without lettuce wraps and eaten with chop sticks. By the way, chop sticks take some getting used to here - they are metal, with flattened sides which make them very slippery to pick anything up with. I'm guessing if you can master them here, you are good to go world-wide. :) We had a fun time hanging out together and seeing some places I had not been to yet in Suwon.
Tak-galbi
a street in Yeongtong
Tonight, after another busy week of working and teaching, I got to have some fun with the "Down Under" crowd at the school. They are an awesome bunch - I absolutely love them. I was invited to come watch a rugby match between the Wallabies and the All-Blacks (the Australian and the New Zealand teams). Amy Porter (one of the Kiwis, and a new comer like me) had invited me over to hang out, and I had a great afternoon of talking with her and her husband Brendan and finally getting their 4 year old daughter to talk to me (she's never smiled at me or interacted with me yet, so I was getting quite jealous of the few people she does like). Then they were headed to the Schumacher's apartment (Darren is the elementary school principal, his wife Kylie a first grade teacher, and they are the only Aussies currently here). Three other couples complete the Kiwi crowd (Amy's parents Robyn and Mike Pettigrew, Clare and Mark Hubbard, and Mike and Isabel Stanley). One teacher from Canada and one more American completed the crowd, so I felt very privileged to be among them and learning to enjoy their favorite sport. Lots of laughter, lots of good-natured rubbing, and some much needed relaxation ensued.
I have not been to Seoul yet, although I have had a couple of opportunities and decided to turn them down. There is just, at the moment, a lot to do with school and understanding all the ins and outs of what the IB requires - and heading into the city seems a little daunting when we have so much work that needs to be done here. Eventually I'll get there - and get to explore Suwon and the beaches to the south as well, hopefully. :)
We are headed on a fun outing next weekend - a bunch of the staff are going white-water rafting together somewhere up by the border. I'm not sure where, but the pictures I've seen look awesome and I'm SO excited to get out and do something adventurous with these new friends!
Thursday, July 26, 2012
First Footsteps in Asia
I should probably attempt to write this when I am more rested and in command of all my faculties, but I want to give a quick update about how my 28 hours in Korea have gone. My lack of sleep is definitely showing, because I keep forgetting things everywhere - one of my suitcases in baggage claim, my computer bag in customs, cups of orange juice at the counter.....I could go on! (I quickly recovered all of it, thankfully.) All of the new staff is running on fumes, but fortunately everyone is understanding, encouraging, and supportive. The Korean staff and the administration are all awesome - it was immediately apparent that the group of people I'm working with are of strong character and genuine hearts.
At our first "staff meeting" this afternoon, Dwight (head of academics - essentially the role of headmaster) led us in prayer and then spoke about the mission of the school. He read from Psalms 78:2-4:
"I will utter dark sayings of old, things that we have heard and known, that our fathers have told us. We will not hide them from their children, but tell to the coming generation the glorious deeds of the Lord, and His might, and the wonders that he has done."
This is our mission - not only to teach, but to tell the students the glorious works of Christ - in our lives, through our subjects, and in the stories we share. He followed that with our ultimate goal (from verse 7:
"...so that they should set their hope in God, and not forget the works of God, but keep His commandments."
It was emotional for me - hearing him speak in such a heartfelt way, with tears in his eyes (and some of ours, mine included) about the purpose and hope of the Christian education at GSIS. Learning is important, the IB curriculum and excellence in education is important....but ultimately there is nothing above what we can share with them about Christ. For a teacher coming from the public schools of Oregon, that was incredibly moving and exciting. Dwight was the one who interviewed me way back in February, and I felt then that I would love to work for him - I think that now even more so.
As far as what has happened since we arrived, it has been a whirlwind of being tired but surrounded by great people. Here's a rough outline:
-Arrived around 6:00pm Wednesday night
-Joined others from GSIS - Korean staff and new teachers - after getting through customs; we found each other by all wearing the same purple GSIS t-shirts. Sounded cheesy at home but was SO helpful and nice once we got there.
-After some Jamba Juice and waiting for the rest to arrive, a school bus (like a travel coach) took us back to the school (an hour drive), and then divided us up to take us to our apartment complexes. A group of 3 men from the Korean staff helped each of us get our luggage to our apartments and showed us how to use the key code, air conditioning, and phone. I definitely had more luggage than most, but then found out most people had mailed boxes to themselves beforehand (so I felt better). :)
-Unpacked just enough to get ready for bed, set up my skype account for calling to phones, and called mom (woke her up at 5:45 her time, but I think she was OK with that). :)
-Slept, for about 7 hours, then woke up on and off before giving in and getting up a little before 6.
-School picked us up before 8, and we went straight to the hospital for a physical (we weren't allowed to eat after midnight because of blood work). It was kind of like a cattle drive - we were herded through 7 or 8 stations to get the OK medically for our visas, filled out by an army of doctors, nurses, and technicians. We were not the only group there, though, so some of us got through early on, while others had to wait a couple of hours before they even started. I was one of the lucky ones, and got brought back to the school early - where we explored a little and were fed some much-appreciated snacks.
-The rest of the day, following my first meal in Korea in the school cafeteria (unknown chicken dish, rice, salad, and PB and J) was more normal orientation: tour of the school, setting up our brand-new laptops (MacBook Pro - few more features than mine and with a Korean/English keyboard) and external drives, trip to the apartments with the general affairs staff to explain about trash and recycling (a big deal here) and other features of our new homes, and dinner in the cafeteria. (In case anyone is curious, I avoided the kimchi at both lunch and dinner, but did try a zucchini version - hot was all I tasted!)
-All day long there was plenty of time meet and get to know the other new staff members. I feel so comfortable with many of them already - its a great group!
-At home for the evening - as I will come to know it soon - two hours scrubbing my small kitchen from top to bottom, and soon to bed. A full and tiring but good day, with a trip to Costco and some other places planned for tomorrow.
Good night and sleep tight (even though as I write this everyone who will at some point read it is either in a deep sleep or about to wake up in the morning)!
At our first "staff meeting" this afternoon, Dwight (head of academics - essentially the role of headmaster) led us in prayer and then spoke about the mission of the school. He read from Psalms 78:2-4:
"I will utter dark sayings of old, things that we have heard and known, that our fathers have told us. We will not hide them from their children, but tell to the coming generation the glorious deeds of the Lord, and His might, and the wonders that he has done."
This is our mission - not only to teach, but to tell the students the glorious works of Christ - in our lives, through our subjects, and in the stories we share. He followed that with our ultimate goal (from verse 7:
"...so that they should set their hope in God, and not forget the works of God, but keep His commandments."
It was emotional for me - hearing him speak in such a heartfelt way, with tears in his eyes (and some of ours, mine included) about the purpose and hope of the Christian education at GSIS. Learning is important, the IB curriculum and excellence in education is important....but ultimately there is nothing above what we can share with them about Christ. For a teacher coming from the public schools of Oregon, that was incredibly moving and exciting. Dwight was the one who interviewed me way back in February, and I felt then that I would love to work for him - I think that now even more so.
As far as what has happened since we arrived, it has been a whirlwind of being tired but surrounded by great people. Here's a rough outline:
-Arrived around 6:00pm Wednesday night
-Joined others from GSIS - Korean staff and new teachers - after getting through customs; we found each other by all wearing the same purple GSIS t-shirts. Sounded cheesy at home but was SO helpful and nice once we got there.
-After some Jamba Juice and waiting for the rest to arrive, a school bus (like a travel coach) took us back to the school (an hour drive), and then divided us up to take us to our apartment complexes. A group of 3 men from the Korean staff helped each of us get our luggage to our apartments and showed us how to use the key code, air conditioning, and phone. I definitely had more luggage than most, but then found out most people had mailed boxes to themselves beforehand (so I felt better). :)
-Unpacked just enough to get ready for bed, set up my skype account for calling to phones, and called mom (woke her up at 5:45 her time, but I think she was OK with that). :)
-Slept, for about 7 hours, then woke up on and off before giving in and getting up a little before 6.
-School picked us up before 8, and we went straight to the hospital for a physical (we weren't allowed to eat after midnight because of blood work). It was kind of like a cattle drive - we were herded through 7 or 8 stations to get the OK medically for our visas, filled out by an army of doctors, nurses, and technicians. We were not the only group there, though, so some of us got through early on, while others had to wait a couple of hours before they even started. I was one of the lucky ones, and got brought back to the school early - where we explored a little and were fed some much-appreciated snacks.
-The rest of the day, following my first meal in Korea in the school cafeteria (unknown chicken dish, rice, salad, and PB and J) was more normal orientation: tour of the school, setting up our brand-new laptops (MacBook Pro - few more features than mine and with a Korean/English keyboard) and external drives, trip to the apartments with the general affairs staff to explain about trash and recycling (a big deal here) and other features of our new homes, and dinner in the cafeteria. (In case anyone is curious, I avoided the kimchi at both lunch and dinner, but did try a zucchini version - hot was all I tasted!)
-All day long there was plenty of time meet and get to know the other new staff members. I feel so comfortable with many of them already - its a great group!
-At home for the evening - as I will come to know it soon - two hours scrubbing my small kitchen from top to bottom, and soon to bed. A full and tiring but good day, with a trip to Costco and some other places planned for tomorrow.
Good night and sleep tight (even though as I write this everyone who will at some point read it is either in a deep sleep or about to wake up in the morning)!
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